Currently viewing the tag: "parenting"
Right now, Tesser has green eyes.
I say “right now” because I don’t know if they’ll stay that way for long. She was born with the classic baby-blue eyes, but from the very beginning they looked a little different to me. When I was pregnant I said Tessa would look more like Eric, with dark hair and dark eyes. She still hasn’t moved beyond her baby hair, but her eyes have already started to change.
Her green eyes are sometimes brownish and sometimes goldish and sometimes greyish. There’s hazel eyes on both sides of the family and brown eyes on Eric’s side so we’re not sure where she’ll end up.
We seemed to have turned a corner in the last week or so.
All of a sudden Tesser grew out of her 3 month clothes. Everyone says this happens overnight. Everyone is telling the truth. One day they were too small and I suddenly had to work with only our small collection of 6 month clothes.
When people saw her, they’d say she was bigger and I couldn’t disagree. She’s finally showing her pudge and is starting to look chunky even with clothes on.
Around the same time she started napping better. And she became interested in THINGS. Until now she’s only cared to look at faces, but now she likes looking at things. Anything really. She has fallen asleep in her napper staring at her hanging toys or at a zebra-striped blanket I drape over her. It doesn’t happen often, but it happens. And with our stubborn girl, it’s a blessing.
Oh, and do you see those GIANT baby feet? They really are that huge. On my 6 month clothes shopping expedition I took her up from 0-3 month socks to 6-12 month socks. They barely fit. So that means next up is the 12-24 month socks. Which Graham has just stopped wearing, and still occasionally get mixed into his sock pile.
As if that wasn’t enough change, I decided it was finally time to start setting her in the bassinet to sleep at night. I’ve now gone two nights in a row with her spending only a little while each night sleeping next to me. It’s a nice change. I think I’m getting better sleep since I’m not constantly aware of her little body. Although I did wake up once frantic saying, “WHERE’S THE BABY??!!” only to realize she was asleep in the bassinet on the floor.
She outgrew her swaddlers so we had to go up to the big-baby swaddlers. She still must be swaddled to sleep more than a little while. I remember when Graham was little, he was often swaddled but only in his receiving blankets. I thought the special baby strait-jackets were silly and a waste of money. Until Tesser, our little Houdini, showed up. She is a master escape artist. If I don’t swaddle her just right, even in the really good swaddlers, she will pop out her arms in a jiffy.
But this is all a good sign that we’re pretty much ready to set up the crib. Which will involve reorganizing everything. So it probably won’t get done for months. But we’re ready.
Most of the time Tee has her squished up chubby baby face. But more and more we’re starting to get glimpses of what I call her “little girl face.” The one where her eyes aren’t mushed under baby cheeks and you can see her facial features starting to come out. It tends to show up in the evenings and I can’t explain why or how it happens but it completely changes her whole face. I love seeing it.
Our Tesser is not much of a talker. It’s not that she’s quiet, she can shriek and snort with the best of them. She just doesn’t seem to “talk” much. But every now and then she gets in a little bit of a talking mood. And since I am one of those parents, I must take an entire minute of video where she does virtually nothing.
Because Tee is our second child it is hard for me not to compare her to Grammer. She naps more, he talked more, she is happier, he was smaller, etc. When I look at Tessa’s green eyes, I inevitably remember Graham’s blue ones, which were a solid steely blue all through his first year, though they’ve now mellowed a bit with shades of grey, green and gold just like mine.
But still, I’ve never seen any eyes like Tessa’s. And I don’t know how they will look in a month or in a year. It’s nice to remember that she’s changing and growing and that she’s always uniquely herself.
Related Posts:
So the other night it finally happened.
I was sitting in bed with Tessa, she was propped up in front of me. We had one of our little conversations, which consists mostly of her saying things like “a-goo” and me responding with great interest.
She didn’t have her wrinkly old man squinched up face, but a chubby, wide-eyed little girl face. (This little girl face makes the occasional appearance, I can’t figure out how it shows up because she looks so different when it’s there.)
We smiled at each other and made faces.
And I thought, “Okay, I can see why I’d want another one of these.”
My next thought was, “Um… you say that now. But what about all the crying and the sleep deprivation and the breastfeeding insanity? What about when they get older and start making messes? What about potty training and homework and peer pressure and all the other things?”
Fortunately for all of us, she started shrieking a couple minutes later for no discernible reason.
This is definitely the squinched-up baby face.
I’ve been pretty firm in my two-and-through stance for the last several months. This was the first little chink in the armor. I don’t doubt there will be more. And when I think of that I just have one word to say to myself: minivan.
That helps.
As I’ve been chatting with my parent friends lately, I’ve asked them about this. How many kids do they want? How did they know when they were done? Some people never seem to feel done. Some feel very sure. Some people’s expectations change, and they end up with either more or less kids than they thought they wanted.
Growing up I wanted 4 kids. (hahahahahhahahhahaha!) I assume this was just because I grew up in a family of four children so I was going with what I knew.
After Graham was born I knew there was no way I could handle 4. I wasn’t even sure about 3. Maybe 2. (I’ve said many times that Graham is responsible for the fact that he won’t have more siblings.) A big part of my desire for another child was to have a better experience. My time with Graham, especially that year that he was one-year-old, was very rough. I saw other mothers enjoying their babies and toddlers in a way I never had.
Sure enough, I am enjoying Tessa more. I think a decent amount of it is just second-baby-syndrome. I am more relaxed. I put her down for naps when she is tired and don’t bother spending 30 minutes trying to get her to sleep, like I used to with Graham several times a day.
And it feels to me like Tessa is more interactive, that we get more face time and share more of those special baby moments. Still, I know this could be mostly in my head. It’s been a long time since Graham was a baby and I wasn’t very good at keeping track of how things were going back then.
Even so, I feel like a better parent now, to both Graham and Tessa, than I ever have been before.
But… is that enough to make me want another kid? Not right now, thanks.
Eric and I have an agreement that the issue is tabled until Tessa is at least 18 months old. So I have no pressure to worry about it right now. Instead I am just letting myself feel what I feel. It’s okay for me to look at Tesser’s sweet little face and think that I wouldn’t mind having one more shot at this. And it’s okay for me to listen to Tesser’s howler-monkey-screams and think that this is the last time for sure.
How did you decide how many kids you wanted? When did you know you were finished? Did you ever change your mind?
Related Posts:
This post is being submitted to Brica as an entry in their contest to win a sponsorship to the Type A Parent Conference. Their motto is “Making Together Better” and it’s a lovely thought. They make products to help make parents’ lives easier. You can find them on Twitter or Facebook.
Of all the things I expected to happen with two kids, I certainly didn’t expect that it would make me a better parent.
I honestly thought I’d be worse. Maybe there’d be a learning curve where I’d eventually be a master at balancing and juggling and doing all kinds of things simultaneously. But I didn’t think being a good multitasker was the same thing as being a good parent.
I thought a good parent wouldn’t have to tell their child to wait while they burped the baby. And a good parent wouldn’t have to set a screaming baby down to fix a child’s lunch. It’s not bad parenting, but it didn’t seem like perfect parenting either.
Tessa has invaded many of my rituals with Graham and destroyed others. I have given up on bathing either of them on my own, and when Eric works late this can mean we lose bath time a lot. And, of course, there’s the sacred bedtime ritual where we read Graham’s favorite book and then I sing him a lullaby. Now that book is sometimes read while I bounce a shrieking Tesser on my knee. And that song is sometimes sung while I stand up holding Tessa instead of sitting on the bed stroking Graham’s hair.
But the funny thing is that I actually feel like I am a better parent. It’s just that being a good parent means something different than I thought it did.
I spend more time enjoying my children now that there are two of them. Tessa’s happy moods are spent on my lap where we smile and coo at each other. Graham’s requests to cuddle aren’t always granted, but I enjoy them a lot when they are.
Even though I can’t give either of them my undivided attention, when I pay attention to them I can give them the attention they deserve.
I’ve learned to stop seeing parenting as a big juggling act. My success isn’t judged on how often I get to take my son to the park or how many naps I can get my daughter to take. Quality over quantity is my new motto.
I’m learning a lot of patience, too. And so are my kids, whether they like it or not. One of the reasons I was so set on giving Graham a sibling is that I knew this was a child who needed to understand in a very big way that he wasn’t the only person around. To my surprise he’s adapted quickly and amazingly to his little sister. He lets me have time to feed her or burp her or bounce her when I need to, even if it means he waits for his lunch. It’s an awful lot of kindness towards a baby who can’t really interact much yet.
But we are starting to see the first signs of sibling togetherness.
Now that Tessa has taken an interest in the little hanging toys above her napper, Graham will happily play with her.
Making together better for us is about learning to give to each other, to wait for each other and to enjoy each other. And I’m feeling pretty good about it.
Related Posts:
This Mother’s Day, I’m working with Clever Girls in support of Macy’s Heart of Haiti to shine a light on the “trade, not aid” program, which provides sustainable income to Haitian artisans struggling to rebuild their lives and support their families after the 2010 earthquake.
The heart is a potent symbol, isn’t it?
I think it says something wonderful about the human race that we have a word, a shape and a body part that we use to represent love. And Mother’s Day is all about love.
Being a mother has changed my life, of course. But it really changed the way I think about mothers in general, and of course, about mine in particular.
I’m the oldest of four children so I saw my Mom do an awful lot of mothering. I watched it in the nonchalant way children do. It’s something you expect rather than something you appreciate.
Now that I have two kids instead of feeling nonchalant I feel awed. Especially remembering all the meals that were always ready, the lessons we were constantly driven to, and the hundreds of other things that make up looking after a family.
The biggest change, though, came when each of my children was born. After watching her with my brand new babies, I call her “The Baby Whisperer.” I think a more appropriate title would be “The Baby Expert.” And it’s not just that she knows everything. She handles new babies like a Kenyan runner in a marathon. She takes the night shift with a crying newborn. She sends the tired parents back to sleep. She has dinner ready in the evening and asks if you want a sandwich at lunchtime. She runs your errands and watches your toddler.
Secretly, though, this wasn’t my favorite part. My favorite thing is the way my Mom and I have a whole new dimension to our conversations. Now we can talk about parenting. I’ve heard so much more about what it was like with me and my siblings when we were young.
And Mom is always the first to tell me that it’s because of me that Graham got diagnosed and treated and that he’s doing so well. I don’t always think that, but she’s my biggest cheerleader so maybe she’ll convince me one of these days.
Mom is my first and most trusted source of advice. And she’s also the best person to talk to when I’m upset or frustrated with the kids or my parenting.
There’s a whole new dimension to our relationship now and I couldn’t be happier. I wish I could do a lot more to thank her for everything. For now I’ll make do with this:
I know heart necklaces are schmaltzy, but there’s no better symbol to show my Mom how I feel.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. You’re not only an amazing mother but a fantastic grandmother and I’m so grateful to have you.
What is Macy’s Heart of Haiti? Heart of Haiti is a “Trade, Not Aid” initiative launched by artist and social entrepreneur, Willa Shalit, The Clinton Bush Haiti Fund and Macy’s. Already, Heart of Haiti has led to employment of 750 artists in Haiti, providing financial benefits for an estimated 8,500 people in the country.
Each item is a one-of-a-kind design and handmade by a Haitian master artisan from raw materials such as recycled oil drums, wrought iron, papier-mâché and stone. The collection features more than 40 home decor items including quilts, metalwork, ceramics, jewelry and paintings and is made almost entirely from recycled and sustainable items such as old cement bags, cardboard, oil drums and local gommier wood.
Heart of Haiti products are available online at Macy’s.com.
Thank you to Macy’s Heart of Haiti for sponsoring my participation in this “Share Your Heart” promotion. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions expressed here are my own.
Related Posts:
When you’ve got a baby around, “gear” suddenly becomes a very important word. It’s all about finding the right thing to make your life easier so you can manage all the other non-baby things in your life.
I’ve talked a lot already about the things that make my life easier in my Favorite Things posts. And there are always more things I’m adding to the list. So I’m super pumped to head out to Drool Baby Expo on May 15th to check out all that is new and awesome in the world of baby-dom.
Drool Baby is put on by the must-visit toy store in the Boston area, Magic Beans. And all the big names in the baby world will be there. Just to name a few:
- Nested Bean, the makers of the Zen Swaddle, which Tessa proudly modeled and currently enjoys at naptime. You’ll see her picture when you visit!
- Rebecca Deaton Photography, who did the awesome photography for Charlene’s Baby Gender Reveal Party and Tessa’s swaddler photo shoot.
- Sage Spoonfuls, a new baby food making and storing system.
- Skip Hop, the classic diaper bag brand.
- Medela, who make virtually all the breastfeeding paraphernalia I own.
- Happy Baby and Ella’s Kitchen, makers of my go-to food on the go.
- Cybex, the people who made my beloved carseat/stroller combo.
Drool Baby lets you get up close and personal with all the new products. It’s particularly awesome if you’re looking for carseats or strollers or other big purchases. I know I’ll be keeping an eye out for what to get for a convertible car seat once Tessa grows out of her bucket seat. (Carseat favorites Britax will be there. And when it comes to strollers? You name it: BabyJogger, Bugaboo, BOB, Maclaren, Phil&Teds, UPPAbaby, Chicco, Bumbleride, etc.)
And this isn’t just a chance to check out products. There are prizes and I hear the gift bags are to die for.
I know this all sounds great and I’m not going to leave you empty handed.
I have ONE DROOL BABY TICKET TO GIVE AWAY!
So, if you’re in the Boston area on May 15th at 5:30 pm and you have a baby or you’re expecting a baby or you’re shopping for the perfect baby shower gift, come join us at this awesome expo!
To win, leave a comment to this entry. Rules are below.
This is a quick one! The winner will be chosen on Tuesday, May 8th at 12 pm Eastern Time.
If you don’t win, tickets to Drool Baby are still available! There will be awesome discounts and special offers so you won’t want to miss it. Plus I will be there! We can totally hang out!!
No purchase necessary. By leaving a comment you agree to the rules of this giveaway. One entry per household. Limited to entrants over 18 in the US and Canada. Contest begins as of the time of this post and ends on Tuesday, May 8th at 12 pm Eastern Time. The winner will receive a standard ticket to the Drool Baby Expo, a retail value of $35 US. The number of eligible entries received will determine the odds of winning. The winner will be selected using the “And the Winner Is” plugin. Winner will be notified by email and must respond within 24 hours to receive their prize. If the winner does not respond within that time, a new winner will be chosen. The prize will be provided by Magic Beans. Don’t Mind the Mess is not responsible for any problems with receipt of the prize. This contest is governed by the rules of Massachusetts, void where prohibited.
Related Posts:
It is time.
According to Graham’s lead therapist we’re ready to get started.
I thought we had more time.
I never really thought this day would come. And yet here it is.
It’s time for “potty training.” Except I detest that phrase. So it’s time for toilet training. Not much better, but not so bad.
I didn’t realize we were at that point, but I guess it makes sense. Graham’s therapists will only be here for a couple more months. Working training into his therapy routine will be a lot easier than trying to do it once he starts school.
I made a few suggestions. Maybe we could get him pull-ups, send him upstairs once every 15 minutes, etc. The therapist said, No. Underwear. He has to feel it. (Easy for him to say, he doesn’t have to clean it up!) I don’t exactly have any experience with this stuff so I’m happy to defer (kind of) and I’m glad that he thinks we’re far enough along to make a go of it.
But.
I’ve been so happily ignoring the possibility of TT. I haven’t worried about it or thought about it. I’ve thrown away coupons for pull-ups and training pants. I’ve continued to mindlessly change diapers and not care much because it’s simply the way things are.
While the therapists will help, this will be a battle I fight mostly alone. Because I REFUSE to be that person whose facebook status says, “Little Joey used the potty today!”
It will not happen.
In fact, I have a no-poop policy when it comes to the blog. So I will not speak of this again. Not until it is over and then I can happily confide in all of you that it is done.
But until then I promise not to speak of it.
Just think of me now and then and wish me luck, okay?
Related Posts:
Find the Mess
My Life’s a Mess and That’s Okay
Jess is a procrastinator, a former working mom who is suddenly staying at home, a Dr-Dr's wife, a non-practicing lawyer, an Autism Mom, a devoted reader, a penny pincher, a coupon clipper, a new New England-er, a low-key agnostic, a nice girl, a top-notch speller, a hardcore blogger and a Twitter fiend.
The blog covers everything from coupon tips to Autism support to adorable toddler pictures to hilarious tales of my daily grind with the occasional review & giveaway thrown in for good measure.
My Networks
