Currently viewing the tag: "me me me"
Somewhere along the way everything changed.
The first time was around 10 years ago, when I arranged to hang out with a guy I’d been talking to online for months on end. At the time this was considered such a crazy thing to do that I didn’t tell anyone. At least, I didn’t tell anyone we’d met online. I just described him as a friend.
We both had online journals and had been reading each other’s and commenting and IM’ing for what seemed like ages. In person it wasn’t weird at all, we already knew each other well and our friendship was well established.
Over the next few years I met three more online journal-ers in much the same way. They were all great meetings and I still keep in touch with all three. What’s amazing to me is that I was able to meet them at all, given that they all lived in different parts of the country. It just ended up that way.
Before we moved to Boston I was mostly friendless. I’d made some friends through work, but not many. I was friendly with Eric’s friends, but we saw them less and less. I had a friend who moved nearby, at least.
And so moving to Boston wasn’t that much like starting over. I was still mostly friendless. I didn’t have coworkers. I had a toddler in tow. I didn’t seem to connect with any other parents. That was when I started blogging more seriously. And around the same time I started making friends.
First was Laura. We met online at a site we both visited when we realized we lived just a mile or two away from each other. We hadn’t had a long preexisting relationship, but we were both new to the area and lonely.
Then there was my first outing with the Boston Parent Bloggers.
Then I found a book club online.
Then I joined the Boston Brunchers.
I started interacting with other Boston folks on Twitter.
And suddenly I find myself with a community. With FRIENDS. It’s weird. In high school I had friends, but I lived far away from everyone, I didn’t have a car and I hardly ever did anything outside of school. In college I had some friends, mostly by proximity, nothing that lasted long. After leaving school I was mostly friendless all the time.
Now I am a person with friends. I talk to them online all the time. I get to go places and do things with them. I can send out this tweet:
HI, Boston friends! Anyone want to do drinks tonight or brunch tomorrow? (Baby probably included…)
@jessicaesquire
Jessica
And end up with an outing that night AND brunch the next day.
At that brunch, Erica and I chatted about our attempts to be more outgoing and adventurous. The internet makes it a lot easier.
They say the internet is isolating. But for me, it’s given me more friends than I’ve ever had.
So thank you, interwebs. And thank you to all my new friends. I’ve loved getting to know you and I am so excited to keep seeing you in the future.
And a special thank you to the many internet friends who sent us gifts for Tessa. You are all so wonderful and I hope to meet you all some day.
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In the first half of 2011 I waxed eloquent on how much I loved my book club.
Then I promptly stopped going.
It wasn’t for any one reason. Sometimes the scheduling was bad. I tend to avoid meetings where we do poetry or Shakespeare readings. (Fun in theory, but I can’t get away often and I want to get a book under my belt if I make the time.) And sometimes I’d already read the book or didn’t want to read it.
Add in the fact that they meet around once a month and all of a sudden I haven’t gone since… June.
The last time I was at book club I had a conversation with a few people about kids. (Virtually none of the people in my book club have kids. Some are too young. Some are childless by choice. Some are retired with children long out of the house. I am a bit of an odd duck in my group.) I told them that we SO weren’t ready to have another kid yet.
I was already pregnant… I wouldn’t find out for another week. Whoops!
Anyway. So I got my email for the next book club meetup as I always do. And as fate would have it, it was one of the meetings where I couldn’t say no.
They are reading Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. That book has been sitting on my bookshelf for over a decade, waiting for me to finally read it. (Seriously. It still has its BYU Bookstore price tag on the back.) I’ve started a couple times but never finished.
I feel I owe it to Dickens because as it currently stands I have read 2 of his novels. (Yeah, yeah, shame on me.) I loved A Tale of Two Cities. I despised David Copperfield. When presented with this conundrum, Dickens fans assure me that I should try Great Expectations. I will like it, they say. I am more than willing to give Dickens another shot, but it’s definitely the kind of prospect that takes motivation. And here is my book club motivating me.
So I guess I finally have to take a little break from going through library books and advance copies so that I can devote my energies to finally getting Great Expectations off my list of literary sins of omission. If I dislike it, I will feel validated in parting ways with Dickens and saying the two of us just aren’t a good fit. (Of course, if I like it I will feel obligated to find more Dickens… eventually… like in another decade.)
Still, though I’ll probably grudgingly go through the book, I am determined to finish it. It’s my first challenge-book of the year. And I love that my book club is motivating me. And that I will get to go to a meeting again. Of course, they might be just a teensy bit surprised by the giant belly. (Our meetup is 2 weeks before my due date.)
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It’s rough blogging these days. I would love to be light and funny, but it’s all I can do not to spend all day writing epic-length posts about how much I don’t like being pregnant.
I have 6 more weeks or so left (technically 5 and a half). I think of that when I lay down at night. I think, “Seriously? 6 more weeks?? How is this possible?” And yet it is.
There are people who can handle this stuff well. I am not one of those people. It also seems like my body doesn’t do me any favors. Contractions all the time. And now along with the contractions I get these pains that may be muscle spasms or nerve pinches or whatever. All I know is they hurt.
When I spend an afternoon running basic errands, it takes me twice as long and when I’m done I feel like I got hit by a truck.
The solution is to be as lazy as possible, which I definitely try to do. Therapy helps, since that’s 25 hours a week where I can sit back, write blog posts, and watch while the Bug is kept busy and happy. I have no idea what I’d do without it.
Still, the days get rather monotonous. Sitting on the couch. Eating bowls of cereal. Watching the Bug put together a puzzle.
The pinnacle of my day is naptime. I put the Bug down. And then I go over to my own bed and lay down. I look forward to it all morning. And the rest of the day is all downhill. I have a couple hours to lay there. I’m always drowsy enough that I fall asleep. It’s a short enough sleep that I don’t have to worry about rolling over or getting up to use the bathroom. It’s heavenly.
But this is pretty much all I have to say.
It is pitiful.
And how will I keep the blog going for the next 6 weeks when this is the kind of boring sludge I am talking about?
It is a puzzlement.
I don’t want it to turn into Waiting for Godot around here… I’m sure I lack Beckett’s ability to get absurdly existential while nothing happens.
Give me something to talk about that is not pregnancy or babies or the GOP Primary. Because surely you’re all sick of hearing about these things, right? Television isn’t even back from hiatus yet! I think it’s officially the most boring time ever.
So unless awesome and interesting things start happening, I apologize for the boring-ness of this blog. And for my lack of energy to make up for the boring-ness by just being spontaneously and naturally witty.
All things must pass. Including pregnancy.
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I had an epiphany at my last Boston Brunchers outing that I should really start moving my food posts into another forum. This one is crowded enough, especially since I added book reviews.
So I’ve put together and have just rolled out my new food blog: Very Slow Cooker. As I am an astonishingly slow cook, I wanted a place to put my time-saving recipes and tips. Also a great place to try out recipes and cookbooks. I have tons of those on my list.
Expect lots of crock pot recipes coming in the next few weeks. Tomorrow I’m making a chile relleno casserole in the slow cooker that I plan to blog very soon.
Right now most of the content there is cross-posted recipes I’ve already blogged here. But all future recipe, cookbook and food posts will go over there.
I’d love it if you’d come take a look at one of my regular features Yes or No, deciding if a time-cutting trick is the way to go or if we should stick to the old-fashioned way. Today’s question is on pre-chopped herbs. And the question shall never be answered if you don’t add your two cents!
Thanks for everyone’s continued support. And if anyone wants to design me a logo featuring a cute turtle in a chef’s hat, I will love you forever.
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2 weekends ago I picked a fight with Eric. I said he wasn’t giving me enough sympathy for my pregnancy. (Speaking of which, 29 weeks today! Only 11 weeks of insanity remain! Which is so no time at all! Except for the fact that it is SEVENTY-SEVEN FREAKING DAYS OF MADNESS! Insert cute belly pic taken at a bad angle here.)
I said he wasn’t helping enough and that I was getting too tired. I’m sure I’m not the first to pull this kind of hormonal whining, and I’m also sure it wasn’t my finest hour.
Sure enough, within 24 hours such minor complaints were in the past.
For the last 2 weeks we’ve been caring for a severely ill friend who urgently requires treatment both in and out of the hospital. It’s been an exhausting experience. And I can now look back at my complaining and want to give myself a little smack.
On the plus side, it’s these kinds of experiences that tend to help you get a little perspective.
I don’t post much about Eric because he has his own life and I don’t tend to him on a daily basis, as I do the Bug. (Who is MINE to do with as I will until he gains enough autonomy to say otherwise.) We’ve been together for nearly 6 years now, which still doesn’t seem like much compared to many couples, but it’s certainly been 6 very eventful years.
One thing I’ve learned that I tend to forget is that we work very well in times of crisis. Both of us are able to switch into crisis mode and deal effectively. While either one of us can turn it on if the other is in need, we are at our best when we are both able to step in and help someone else.
We run a very successful tag team. And when this happens we are not only at our best doing whatever needs to be done, but we’re at our best with each other. We are constantly, verbally grateful and supportive with one another. We don’t hesitate to express our appreciation to each other when one of us steps up to take over when the other is tired or needs a break. And it’s funny because we may not see much of each other in these crazy times, but I feel like we’re more connected.
It’s nice among the craziness to be able to realize that we can be so strong together.
Of course I wish we had this kind of strength all the time, but I know every relationship has its strengths and weaknesses. I think part of my own problem is that I’m so vulnerable to the perfection of the blog world. And the tendency of wives to pontificate on the perfection of their husbands, whether it’s on their blog, their Facebook or their Twitter. It is hard sometimes to remember how well we can do when he is working late and I am tired and we are both overworked and feeling underappreciated. And it’s hard to remember that when it seems like we’re the only ones dealing with a special needs kid, a crazy schedule, Eric’s long and unpredictable hours and our tight budget.
But.
Then there are these times. And I want to take them and put them in a bottle so that next time I am feeling whiny I can open it up and see how good things are. How good they really are.
It’s always the good stuff we forget and always the bad stuff we remember. Well, at least me.
And now I’m the one writing the blog post all about how great my husband is. I apologize to husbands of the world whose wives may now be wondering, “Why don’t WE have that kind of relationship?” My bad.
But, if only for my own benefit, it’s good to remind myself that these things happen. Good to remember what they are. And good to let my baby know that I know.
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It is that time of year again. The time of year when I say to myself, “Wasn’t this year going to be the one where you finally got your act together? Weren’t you going to be prepared this year? Didn’t you insist after last year that this time you’d spend a few months making sure you were ready?”
My birthday is in a week. Christmas is less than 3 weeks after that. And every year I have no clue what to say when people ask what I want. My mother-in-law is anxiously awaiting my requests (Hi, Jeanine!!) so I need a little help.
You’d think with all my years of experience I’d have figured this out. But no. I insist every year that I’ll start paying attention to things I want in the summer and keep track of them so when the pressure’s on I have answers. Because once it hits November or so the pressure is just too much.
This year my plan did not go so hot. I blame the pregnancy.
I don’t want to ask for clothes. I really don’t want to add to my pregnancy wardrobe anymore. (Despite the fact that it gets smaller every day as my belly outgrows my shirts.) And it seems like a waste to give up a gift for something that may get a couple months’ use and then never again. Let’s not even SPEAK of my postpartum wardrobe.
I can’t ask for a spa day or a pedicure or anything. Because it is so much of a hassle to plan and often involves hiring babysitters. I doubt I’d fit it in before the baby and by the time I got around to it after the baby was born the baby probably wouldn’t be a baby anymore.
I don’t have a paring knife yet but… I’m not actually sure I’d USE a paring knife. Plus I would have to take time to try some out to see what kind I wanted. Time I do not have.
No books this year, as we’re trying not to take on too many additional ones. We did a massive purge during our last couple moves and now we fill up our two remaining good bookshelves. Best to leave it be.
So what is left??
I try to at least ask for stuff that is more fun and less necessary. Because PRESENTS, right? Plus I’ve already asked for a couple necessary things when my Mom was lucky enough to run her requests by me when I actually had a couple things in mind. (A maternity sweater which I intend to wear into the ground, and a pair of good driving gloves for strapping babies into seats in cold weather.)
So now I’m at a loss.
I am not much of a jewelry wearer. And I tend to leave those gifts to Eric, who has done a fantastic job of finding jewelry I like and that fits my style. (Which is quite minimal.)
I’m not a shoe hound.
Don’t care much for gadgets. And I already have a kindle and a smartphone, so I’m pretty set.
I love food, but my kitchen has so many utensils and appliances that there isn’t any room for more. (Literally.)
And who wants to be the nerd who says, “Uh… I dunno… gift cards?”
I envy Eric who, every year, sets his sights high and gets one massive present, that usually covers his birthday (in February) and Christmas and often includes not only myself but his parents as gift-givers. But I do not want a game system. So, you know.
(Okay, confession, I do have one giant thing that I want. But I do not make such purchases or requests lightly. I want a sweet sweet sweet camera. But I have zero experience with these sweet sweet sweet cameras I see other bloggers using. And I will not even consider requesting one until I have sat down with a camera expert and tried a bunch of different ones. And this is soooooo not going to happen any time soon. I will give it a few months, I think, and do tons of research, and ask all my bloggy friends what cameras they use, and maybe even take a beginner photography class so I can learn how to use something that is more advanced than a point & shoot. So nope. Not now.)
So tell me, you guys.
Am I the only one who has this problem?
What are some unique presents you’ve given or received?
Does anyone have some BRILLIANT ideas for me?
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Find the Mess
My Life’s a Mess and That’s Okay
Jess is a procrastinator, a former working mom who is suddenly staying at home, a Dr-Dr's wife, a non-practicing lawyer, an Autism Mom, a devoted reader, a penny pincher, a coupon clipper, a new New England-er, a low-key agnostic, a nice girl, a top-notch speller, a hardcore blogger and a Twitter fiend.
The blog covers everything from coupon tips to Autism support to adorable toddler pictures to hilarious tales of my daily grind with the occasional review & giveaway thrown in for good measure.
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