The Expo is [...]]]> I was really thrilled to attend the Drool Baby Expo. I heard about it last year but was busy at work and didn’t think I needed it since Graham was due to turn 2 and he’d just started therapy. But since I have a 3-month-old, now was a great time to go.

The Expo is put on by the great local-to-Boston toy and gear shop, Magic Beans. It is the kind of store that has the coolest toys AND that lets you haul a carseat out to your car to see if it will fit. (I’ve personally done it and they were sweet as can be.)

Baby stores can be full of useful information, but there’s something extra special about being in a room with 10 major stroller companies where you can see their wares in person and get a chance to ask every question you can possibly think of. And then add carseats, clothes, furniture, toys and pretty much any other baby item you can imagine and you’ve got a baby expo.

Drool really goes above and beyond. Not only were there a bajillion baby brands there, there were cupcakes and Pinkberry and drinks and manicures and massages and prizes. Pretty much anything you could ask for. If you didn’t make it, I’m sorry. But never fear. I have a recap for you with some of the great finds. And if you’re local, I’m pretty sure I can talk you in to coming next year.

I was happy for all the treats. You wouldn’t think all this baby-stuff-watching would take so much effort, but I was beat by the end of it! Good thing there was sugar around! These cupcakes came courtesy of legendary Brookline Bakery Party Favors.

All the big names were there. If you were stroller shopping, you were in luck. Bugaboo, Maclaren, Mountain Buggy, Phil & Teds, BOB and a bunch more were there. Plus there were a lot of vendors you never realized made strollers! But the real value of Drool Baby is the chance to talk to local vendors you may have never heard of.

For example, check out Tiny Hanger. They’ve got a store in Coolidge Corner and they’ve got The. Most. Adorable. Baby clothes.

They carry a variety of designers and artists who make clothes, toys and other kid items.

There’s the opportunity to get in touch with a variety of resources. Did you know Boston Children’s Hospital is doing a free car seat check event? Now you do! Friday May 18th at 1pm at the Stop & Shop on Centre Street in Jamaica Plain.

Or that JF&CS (Jewish Family & Children’s Services) offers support services for new parents?

Or have you heard of Boston Babywearers? A group that educates on babywearing, but also has a library of carriers so you can try one out before you buy?

And can I say how great it is to see so many of these small businesses? Lots of parent entrepreneurs with amazing products and services that came from their own experiences with kids.

A great example is the Zen Swaddle from Nested Bean. It comes from Massachusetts Mom Manasi Gangan, who created this unique swaddler after she spent hours rocking her young son who would only sleep in her arms. It has special pockets that simulate the extra pressure you give your baby on their sides and chest when you hold them and calm them. Tessa is not only one of their sleepy customers, she’s also the face on the package. (It took a matter of minutes for her to fall asleep once we swaddled her at the shoot.)

It’s also perhaps the prettiest swaddler I’ve ever seen. Super soft. And available soon from Magic Beans!

You can tell that Sage Spoonfuls is the next big thing in baby food. Their table was busy all night and I saw tons of entries for their raffle prizes. It helps that the woman in charge, Liza, and her husband Alex are great spokespeople for their product.

And seriously, how does she look just as good in person as she does in the promotional pictures?? We all have blenders, but I think the compact processor along with a simple storage system trumps a big fat blender and an army of Rubbermaid containers any day! I’ve read her impressive baby food book and it has pretty much any information you need on introducing and combining foods.

Tessa will be ready for solids soon and their system sounds awfully appealing for when I have to tackle two kid lunches instead of one!

There’s so much more, but I can’t show you all of it so I made you a Pinterest board instead!

I wasn’t just there for curiosity. I was on a mission for a carseat. Tessa has her baby bucket seat, it’s a Cybex Aton that I adore. (A post in which I profess my love for the Cybex Callisto stroller that goes with it is forthcoming.) But eventually she needs a convertible seat. And since we have a small car, it’s no easy feat.

Luckily the guys from Diono were there. They used to be Sunshine Kids, the makers of the Radian 65 that Graham has. Their new seats are combination carseat/boosters and last 10 years! One more great thing about Drool is you get discounts and offers you can’t get any other time. Diono offered 25% off, a free travel bag, free accessory and free shipping. Okay, twist my arm, will ya? (It helps that while chatting up Jamie the Baby Gear Guy about my search he gave Diono a thumbs up.)

On my way out I picked up my gift bag and WOW. It was the stuff dreams are made of. Definitely glad I drove because it was so loaded with goodies, I don’t think I could’ve carried it home on the T! I was just thinking that Tesser had a low supply of baby toys. Not anymore!

A final word: there may be other baby expos out there but the Magic Beans staff were so kind and helpful that I doubt anyone else would take better care of you.

I attended Drool Baby as a VIP guest free of charge. I DID pay for the carseat, though.

I say “right now” because I don’t know if they’ll stay that way for long. She was born with the classic baby-blue eyes, but from the very beginning they looked a little different to me. When I was pregnant I said Tessa would look more like Eric, with dark [...]]]> Right now, Tesser has green eyes.

I say “right now” because I don’t know if they’ll stay that way for long. She was born with the classic baby-blue eyes, but from the very beginning they looked a little different to me. When I was pregnant I said Tessa would look more like Eric, with dark hair and dark eyes. She still hasn’t moved beyond her baby hair, but her eyes have already started to change.

Her green eyes are sometimes brownish and sometimes goldish and sometimes greyish. There’s hazel eyes on both sides of the family and brown eyes on Eric’s side so we’re not sure where she’ll end up.

We seemed to have turned a corner in the last week or so.

All of a sudden Tesser grew out of her 3 month clothes. Everyone says this happens overnight. Everyone is telling the truth. One day they were too small and I suddenly had to work with only our small collection of 6 month clothes.

When people saw her, they’d say she was bigger and I couldn’t disagree. She’s finally showing her pudge and is starting to look chunky even with clothes on.

Around the same time she started napping better. And she became interested in THINGS. Until now she’s only cared to look at faces, but now she likes looking at things. Anything really. She has fallen asleep in her napper staring at her hanging toys or at a zebra-striped blanket I drape over her. It doesn’t happen often, but it happens. And with our stubborn girl, it’s a blessing.

Oh, and do you see those GIANT baby feet? They really are that huge. On my 6 month clothes shopping expedition I took her up from 0-3 month socks to 6-12 month socks. They barely fit. So that means next up is the 12-24 month socks. Which Graham has just stopped wearing, and still occasionally get mixed into his sock pile.

As if that wasn’t enough change, I decided it was finally time to start setting her in the bassinet to sleep at night. I’ve now gone two nights in a row with her spending only a little while each night sleeping next to me. It’s a nice change. I think I’m getting better sleep since I’m not constantly aware of her little body. Although I did wake up once frantic saying, “WHERE’S THE BABY??!!” only to realize she was asleep in the bassinet on the floor.

She outgrew her swaddlers so we had to go up to the big-baby swaddlers. She still must be swaddled to sleep more than a little while. I remember when Graham was little, he was often swaddled but only in his receiving blankets. I thought the special baby strait-jackets were silly and a waste of money. Until Tesser, our little Houdini, showed up. She is a master escape artist. If I don’t swaddle her just right, even in the really good swaddlers, she will pop out her arms in a jiffy.

But this is all a good sign that we’re pretty much ready to set up the crib. Which will involve reorganizing everything. So it probably won’t get done for months. But we’re ready.

Most of the time Tee has her squished up chubby baby face. But more and more we’re starting to get glimpses of what I call her “little girl face.” The one where her eyes aren’t mushed under baby cheeks and you can see her facial features starting to come out. It tends to show up in the evenings and I can’t explain why or how it happens but it completely changes her whole face. I love seeing it.

Our Tesser is not much of a talker. It’s not that she’s quiet, she can shriek and snort with the best of them. She just doesn’t seem to “talk” much. But every now and then she gets in a little bit of a talking mood. And since I am one of those parents, I must take an entire minute of video where she does virtually nothing.

Because Tee is our second child it is hard for me not to compare her to Grammer. She naps more, he talked more, she is happier, he was smaller, etc. When I look at Tessa’s green eyes, I inevitably remember Graham’s blue ones, which were a solid steely blue all through his first year, though they’ve now mellowed a bit with shades of grey, green and gold just like mine.

But still, I’ve never seen any eyes like Tessa’s. And I don’t know how they will look in a month or in a year. It’s nice to remember that she’s changing and growing and that she’s always uniquely herself.

I haven’t read anywhere close to all 62. In fact I’ve read only 17, that’s less than a third. I’ve read only one story collection and none [...]]]> Recently Vulture published an article ranking all 62 books by Stephen King. (Including those under his pen name, Richard Bachmann, and those he co-wrote with others.)

I haven’t read anywhere close to all 62. In fact I’ve read only 17, that’s less than a third. I’ve read only one story collection and none of his Dark Tower series. But I have read most of his big and popular stuff so I feel like I have grounds for an opinion. (17 is still a lot of books, right?)

I found myself disagreeing with a lot of the rankings on the list. Sure, Dreamcatcher was not great. But #60 out of 62??? That seemed unduly harsh. I read it recently and it had real moments of brilliance and terror even if it got steadily worse as the book went on. (And, of course, major loss of points for a supernaturally-gifted boy with Down’s. That’s the kind of thing I expect from 80′s Stephen King.)

And Cell all the way down at #53? Perhaps I was influenced by low expectations or the fact that I listened to it on audiobook, but I found it to be rather enjoyable. I don’t know if you can call a horror story a romp, but there was a little bit of that.

At the top I found trouble as well. I think the vast majority of us can agree that IT is one of the most terrifying books ever written. However, I wouldn’t put it as #3. It suffers from huge flaws. Chief among them one of the worst endings of all time.

So I thought I’d put together my own list. It’s not a ranking, per se, but the way I view King’s fiction more in categories.

Ambitious but Hopelessly Flawed

Yup, this is where IT belongs. Its ambition is admirable. Its scares are real. But its flaws ultimately devalue a lot of the book.

I know there are a lot more of King’s books that I’d probably put here that I’ve avoided chiefly because I don’t want the disappointment, but there is one more that I’d definitely put here. (Pull out your pitchforks….)

This is the place to put The Stand. I am sorry, I really am, I know that many people list this as one of their favorite novels of all time. It is so big and has so much promise that it hurt to see it turn into a mess. I know a lot of people disagree with me, but there it is.

Fun But Forgettable

‘Salem’s Lot, Pet Sematary, Cell and Dreamcatcher would go here. All have their strengths and their scares. And they’re great fun for serious horror fans or for an airplane read. You could do a lot worse. I think it’s these books that people who don’t read King assume make up his whole oeuvre.

Solid, With or Without Scares

The thing is, people who don’t read much King may not realize how he’s evolved. Take exercise in narrative  Dolores Claiborne, told in the first person as one long monologue, with regular flashes forward and back in time and a distinctive voice. It’s not a particularly scary book, it’s more about the real life horrors we encounter everyday than the supernatural ones. The same is true of The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, about a girl lost in the woods who survives through her devotion to the Red Sox.

Or some of King’s newer doorstops like Bag of Bones or Duma Key, both excellent ghost stories with a strong sense of place and character. (While reading Duma Key the whole world seems to exist in shades of Floridian coral.)

Or take a look at the behemoth Under the Dome, which takes a lot of King’s strengths (a multitude of characters in a small town who have plenty of baggage in their history, an unexplained phenomenon that throws everything out of whack, a long twisty-turny plot) and delivers it with gusto. It is not a ghost story. There aren’t really any monsters. The supernatural is mostly ignored. The joy of the book is watching the characters scheme and plot against each other or to help each other and to watch the chips fall. It’s some masterful storytelling. I particularly enjoyed the audiobook, ready by one of my favorite actors, Raul Esparza.

I’d also put some of King’s story collections here. I loved his recent effort Full Dark, No Stars, packed with tales just as dark as the title implies.

The Classics

I think more people are starting to catch on to King’s new and impressive abilities thanks to 11/22/63, which I was even able to convince my Mom to read. (She is not a King fan. It took some doing.) And now she is telling other people about it. It seems to be that kind of book that is spreading beyond the usual crowd. And deservedly so. King is getting better and better as years pass and his writing shows strengths it never has before.

And my favorite, Lisey’s Story, a book about marriage and family and love and imagination and storytelling and so very many things. Reading this book for me was like a revelation. It remains one of my very favorites and if someone is dissing King, I send them to it immediately.

Aspiring writers probably know that On Writing is one of the most-recommended books out there. There’s so much you can learn from it, whether you want to write novels or just blog entries. I own a copy and I’ll never get rid of it. It’s a homey book, too, where you feel like you’re having a great conversation.

Not His Best

King has admitted to spending a lot of the ’80′s in an alcoholic haze, which probably explains why a book like Pet Sematary, which has a horrific idea behind it, ends up with just a Passable grade. I assume it explains misfires like The Tommyknockers and Needful Things. Not terrible ideas, but reading them can occasionally be a chore.

There’s still a lot more King I want to read: Firestarter, Cujo, The Long Walk. And I need to re-read The Shining. It’s been so long that I’m not sure which category it would fall into. (It’s also a movie I love love love, so it’s hard to separate myself.)

Where do you fall on Stephen King? Do I really need to read the Dark Tower books? What would you rank as his best and worst?

I was sitting in bed with Tessa, she was propped up in front of me. We had one of our little conversations, which consists mostly of her saying things like “a-goo” and me responding with great interest.

She didn’t have her wrinkly old man squinched up face, but [...]]]> So the other night it finally happened.

I was sitting in bed with Tessa, she was propped up in front of me. We had one of our little conversations, which consists mostly of her saying things like “a-goo” and me responding with great interest.

She didn’t have her wrinkly old man squinched up face, but a chubby, wide-eyed little girl face. (This little girl face makes the occasional appearance, I can’t figure out how it shows up because she looks so different when it’s there.)

We smiled at each other and made faces.

And I thought, “Okay, I can see why I’d want another one of these.”

My next thought was, “Um… you say that now. But what about all the crying and the sleep deprivation and the breastfeeding insanity? What about when they get older and start making messes? What about potty training and homework and peer pressure and all the other things?”

Fortunately for all of us, she started shrieking a couple minutes later for no discernible reason.

This is definitely the squinched-up baby face.

I’ve been pretty firm in my two-and-through stance for the last several months. This was the first little chink in the armor. I don’t doubt there will be more. And when I think of that I just have one word to say to myself: minivan.

That helps.

As I’ve been chatting with my parent friends lately, I’ve asked them about this. How many kids do they want? How did they know when they were done? Some people never seem to feel done. Some feel very sure. Some people’s expectations change, and they end up with either more or less kids than they thought they wanted.

Growing up I wanted 4 kids. (hahahahahhahahhahaha!) I assume this was just because I grew up in a family of four children so I was going with what I knew.

After Graham was born I knew there was no way I could handle 4. I wasn’t even sure about 3. Maybe 2. (I’ve said many times that Graham is responsible for the fact that he won’t have more siblings.) A big part of my desire for another child was to have a better experience. My time with Graham, especially that year that he was one-year-old, was very rough. I saw other mothers enjoying their babies and toddlers in a way I never had.

Sure enough, I am enjoying Tessa more. I think a decent amount of it is just second-baby-syndrome. I am more relaxed. I put her down for naps when she is tired and don’t bother spending 30 minutes trying to get her to sleep, like I used to with Graham several times a day.

And it feels to me like Tessa is more interactive, that we get more face time and share more of those special baby moments. Still, I know this could be mostly in my head. It’s been a long time since Graham was a baby and I wasn’t very good at keeping track of how things were going back then.

Even so, I feel like a better parent now, to both Graham and Tessa, than I ever have been before.

But… is that enough to make me want another kid? Not right now, thanks.

Eric and I have an agreement that the issue is tabled until Tessa is at least 18 months old. So I have no pressure to worry about it right now. Instead I am just letting myself feel what I feel. It’s okay for me to look at Tesser’s sweet little face and think that I wouldn’t mind having one more shot at this. And it’s okay for me to listen to Tesser’s howler-monkey-screams and think that this is the last time for sure.

How did you decide how many kids you wanted? When did you know you were finished? Did you ever change your mind?

This post is being submitted to Brica as an entry in their contest to win a sponsorship to the Type A Parent Conference. Their motto is “Making Together Better” and it’s a lovely thought. They make products to help make parents’ lives easier. You can find them on Twitter or Facebook.

Of all [...]]]>

This post is being submitted to Brica as an entry in their contest to win a sponsorship to the Type A Parent Conference. Their motto is “Making Together Better” and it’s a lovely thought. They make products to help make parents’ lives easier. You can find them on Twitter or Facebook.

Of all the things I expected to happen with two kids, I certainly didn’t expect that it would make me a better parent.

I honestly thought I’d be worse. Maybe there’d be a learning curve where I’d eventually be a master at balancing and juggling and doing all kinds of things simultaneously. But I didn’t think being a good multitasker was the same thing as being a good parent.

I thought a good parent wouldn’t have to tell their child to wait while they burped the baby. And a good parent wouldn’t have to set a screaming baby down to fix a child’s lunch. It’s not bad parenting, but it didn’t seem like perfect parenting either.

Tessa has invaded many of my rituals with Graham and destroyed others. I have given up on bathing either of them on my own, and when Eric works late this can mean we lose bath time a lot. And, of course, there’s the sacred bedtime ritual where we read Graham’s favorite book and then I sing him a lullaby. Now that book is sometimes read while I bounce a shrieking Tesser on my knee. And that song is sometimes sung while I stand up holding Tessa instead of sitting on the bed stroking Graham’s hair.

But the funny thing is that I actually feel like I am a better parent. It’s just that being a good parent means something different than I thought it did.

I spend more time enjoying my children now that there are two of them. Tessa’s happy moods are spent on my lap where we smile and coo at each other. Graham’s requests to cuddle aren’t always granted, but I enjoy them a lot when they are.

Even though I can’t give either of them my undivided attention, when I pay attention to them I can give them the attention they deserve.

I’ve learned to stop seeing parenting as a big juggling act. My success isn’t judged on how often I get to take my son to the park or how many naps I can get my daughter to take. Quality over quantity is my new motto.

I’m learning a lot of patience, too. And so are my kids, whether they like it or not. One of the reasons I was so set on giving Graham a sibling is that I knew this was a child who needed to understand in a very big way that he wasn’t the only person around. To my surprise he’s adapted quickly and amazingly to his little sister. He lets me have time to feed her or burp her or bounce her when I need to, even if it means he waits for his lunch. It’s an awful lot of kindness towards a baby who can’t really interact much yet.

But we are starting to see the first signs of sibling togetherness.

Now that Tessa has taken an interest in the little hanging toys above her napper, Graham will happily play with her.

Making together better for us is about learning to give to each other, to wait for each other and to enjoy each other. And I’m feeling pretty good about it.

This Mother’s Day, I’m working with Clever Girls in support of Macy’s Heart of Haiti to shine a light on the “trade, not aid” program, which provides sustainable income to Haitian artisans struggling to rebuild their lives and support their families after the 2010 earthquake.

The heart is a potent symbol, isn’t [...]]]>

This Mother’s Day, I’m working with Clever Girls in support of Macy’s Heart of Haiti to shine a light on the “trade, not aid” program, which provides sustainable income to Haitian artisans struggling to rebuild their lives and support their families after the 2010 earthquake.

The heart is a potent symbol, isn’t it?

I think it says something wonderful about the human race that we have a word, a shape and a body part that we use to represent love. And Mother’s Day is all about love.

Being a mother has changed my life, of course. But it really changed the way I think about mothers in general, and of course, about mine in particular.

I’m the oldest of four children so I saw my Mom do an awful lot of mothering. I watched it in the nonchalant way children do. It’s something you expect rather than something you appreciate.

Now that I have two kids instead of feeling nonchalant I feel awed. Especially remembering all the meals that were always ready, the lessons we were constantly driven to, and the hundreds of other things that make up looking after a family.

The biggest change, though, came when each of my children was born. After watching her with my brand new babies, I call her “The Baby Whisperer.” I think a more appropriate title would be “The Baby Expert.” And it’s not just that she knows everything. She handles new babies like a Kenyan runner in a marathon. She takes the night shift with a crying newborn. She sends the tired parents back to sleep. She has dinner ready in the evening and asks if you want a sandwich at lunchtime. She runs your errands and watches your toddler.

Secretly, though, this wasn’t my favorite part. My favorite thing is the way my Mom and I have a whole new dimension to our conversations. Now we can talk about parenting. I’ve heard so much more about what it was like with me and my siblings when we were young.

And Mom is always the first to tell me that it’s because of me that Graham got diagnosed and treated and that he’s doing so well. I don’t always think that, but she’s my biggest cheerleader so maybe she’ll convince me one of these days.

Mom is my first and most trusted source of advice. And she’s also the best person to talk to when I’m upset or frustrated with the kids or my parenting.

There’s a whole new dimension to our relationship now and I couldn’t be happier. I wish I could do a lot more to thank her for everything. For now I’ll make do with this:

I know heart necklaces are schmaltzy, but there’s no better symbol to show my Mom how I feel.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. You’re not only an amazing mother but a fantastic grandmother and I’m so grateful to have you.

What is Macy’s Heart of Haiti? Heart of Haiti is a “Trade, Not Aid” initiative launched by artist and social entrepreneur, Willa Shalit, The Clinton Bush Haiti Fund and Macy’s. Already, Heart of Haiti has led to employment of 750 artists in Haiti, providing financial benefits for an estimated 8,500 people in the country.

Each item is a one-of-a-kind design and handmade by a Haitian master artisan from raw materials such as recycled oil drums, wrought iron, papier-mâché and stone. The collection features more than 40 home decor items including quilts, metalwork, ceramics, jewelry and paintings and is made almost entirely from recycled and sustainable items such as old cement bags, cardboard, oil drums and local gommier wood.

Heart of Haiti products are available online at Macy’s.com.

Thank you to Macy’s Heart of Haiti for sponsoring my participation in this “Share Your Heart” promotion. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions expressed here are my own.