Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

I’m linking up with my pal Honest Mom today, even though this topic is a bit of a stretch for me.

things Im afraid to tell you Things Im Afraid to Tell You

Because really, what am I afraid to tell anyone? I live here in Overshare City, in the No Boundaries region, capital of The United States of TMI.

Okay, there are some boundaries. There are things about myself, my kids, my marriage, my family and my friendships that aren’t for blogging. That’s true for anyone. But it’s still a pretty small area that I have yet to cover.

You already know that I cry too easily. I even told you about the time I cried in court, which was probably the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. Not just embarrassing, but humiliating and infuriating and such a rush of conflicting emotions.

I’ve already revealed some of my deepest fears from when we waited for the results of Tessa’s amnio. And how difficult it was to watch my neighbors and their normal babies after Graham’s autism diagnosis. It’s not like I have many dark secrets left to reveal.

So this list may be a little scatterbrained as I’m just picking and choosing the crumbs of what’s left.

1.  I don’t really like fish. And I live in Massachusetts. I am afraid to tell people this as it leaves my fellow New Englanders horrified and my out-of-New-England friends angry that I’m squandering the availability of good seafood. I am sorry. Also, I have been to Maine but didn’t eat any lobsters. But I DID eat Maine blueberries so that wins me some points, right???

2.  I used to have a private online diary where I shared even more gory details than I do here. I know this is hard to believe, but it’s true. No, I won’t tell you what it was. Because really, you don’t want to know. No one needs to see the daily navelgazing of a girl in her early 20′s who doesn’t go on many dates.

3.  I’ve only ever counted one person as my best friend. I haven’t had contact with him in years because his wife forbids him from speaking to me. From what I understand, this is only because I am female and we briefly dated, but I don’t really know. I only met his wife once, briefly, before they were even engaged. It took me years to recover from the loss and I still hope that one day we’ll be able to talk again. I know my subconscious isn’t really over it because I have dreams about him every few months where we reconcile.

4.  I read The Hunger Games before it was popular, the first book is the only one worth reading and I have no plans to see the movie. Repeat that sentence but now insert The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. I only read the first 50 pages or so of Twilight and I just couldn’t do it. I don’t plan to ever open 50 Shades of Grey. I try really hard not to look down on those of you who feel differently, but I’m not always successful. (Sorry!)

5.  I was brought up Mormon and went to BYU so many of my friends are, too. I no longer practice, but I’m still me. As far as I know, no one’s broken ties with me because of it. It’s hard to explain to nonmembers how weird this can be and how much I worried about my friendships when I made my decision to leave. But I’m really happy with my life and my decisions, even if it was a hard road to get there. And I’m even more happy that so many of my friends are still my friends even though I wore a strapless wedding dress.

6.  I am dreading election season. I have really strong political views that I try really hard to keep off the blog and social media. I am worried that I won’t be able to keep it up, but I’m trying. Growing up surrounded by conservatives and now living surrounded by liberals I have too many friends on both sides of the aisle to want to alienate anybody.

7.  Between toilet training G and a yeast rash for T, I am spending way too much time staring at genitals these days.

8.  The feminist in me feels bad when I call Tesser “pretty girl.” The feminist in me hates that I worry about whether she will be pretty and how her self-esteem will develop. Obviously I’m not as much of a feminist as I think I am. Hopefully I’m enough to raise a strong daughter (and a good son).

9.  Graham has an astonishingly healthy diet. I do not. Which I should think about more, as I’m breastfeeding Tessa.

10.  I am strongly leaning against having any more children. I don’t want to be pregnant again. I don’t want to suffer through baby-hood again. And the noise. The noise! Sometimes I feel bad about it. Because I like the *idea* of more kids. But the execution? Not so much. It’s really weird to admit that as someone who used to want 4 children.

So they’re not exactly dark secrets, but they’re not things I have an easy time talking about. I always struggle with sensitive subjects like politics and religion, not because I don’t have opinions, but because I’m a stickler for courtesy and can’t stand the idea of offending people I care about.  (Unless you like Twilight, in which case you are dead to me.)

(Kidding!)

(Mostly.)

(No, seriously, kidding.)

Head on over to Honest Mom to see her take and the others who’ve linked up.

5 Responses to Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

  1. Mel says:

    I grew up in Massachusetts. :)
    I can’t make it through 50 Shades of Grey. I gave it the old college try, but her writing style drives me nuts!

    Great post!
    Mel recently posted..WAITING ON A TOOTH

  2. “I live here in Overshare City, in the No Boundaries region, capital of The United States of TMI.”

    LOL! Love that!

    1) I actually knew that about you from when we went to dinner after Bloggy Boot Camp!
    3) Aw. That’s sad. :-( I understand your pain a little, though, because I’ve had many close friends but only one best friend and we aren’t as close as we used to be for a lot of reasons. And I hate it.
    4) I am totally ok with you being a literary snob. I can enjoy some of the brainless books but not many. And my fave book is still Pride & Prejudice.
    6) I’m SO curious about your views…maybe at BlogHer after a few glasses of wine???
    8) I totally understand this. Completely.

    Thanks for sharing and linking up! Great post!
    JD @ Honest Mom recently posted..Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

  3. BTW – the smiley face next to “I totally understand this” is supposed to be a number 8!
    JD @ Honest Mom recently posted..(Sort of) Wordless Wednesday: RIP, sanity.

  4. Liz says:

    I always mentally pause when I tell G she’s cute or pretty or beautiful. Not because she isn’t those things, but because that’s not what matters about her. But I also tell her how big and strong she is, and how smart. So I feel like it evens out…?

    I’m also pretty sure that I’m always going to be telling my nephew how cute and handsome he is, in addition any other praise he gets.

  5. Jenny says:

    I also have a former best friend with whom I have no contact. The hardest part is I don’t know when or how it happened, but we just gradually lost touch & when I tried to reconnect, it didn’t work. And I dream about her regularly, either that we’re making up or that we’re really, really not. It feels dreadfully unresolved, even though it’s been many years since our silent breakup.
    I loved Twilight – sorry – only saw the first movie, eh – no desire now to see the rest – but devoured the books. Again, I know. It’s not a popular opinion anymore. I haven’t read any of the others mentioned in your list – my whole book club loved Hunger Games, the book – I can’t do post-apocalyptic – my life in general feels too much like that sometimes.

Leave a reply

CommentLuv badge